I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
