I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
