how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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