the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
