I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
