I don't usually arrange sex via text message
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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