I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You ruined the universe
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
God I need to hump something, right now.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
