I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
