my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
