im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
