So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
