I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
