Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
