what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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