A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just found a bag of teeth...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
