C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
