I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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