I swear she didn't look like that last week.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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