no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
