It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
