So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
