It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
