am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
either way he was missing a nipple.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
