ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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