If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
