Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Randomize
