and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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