theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
