im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
