We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
