dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
