Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
