how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
