Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The air was thick with penises
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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