how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
