I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
