Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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