On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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