Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
