me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Two words: nipple clamps
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