please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
