her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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