Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
