i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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