Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
