I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
