saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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