I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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