I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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