I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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