I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
