im drinking this country out of the recession.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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